Among the many turning points in my life, the most
recent and the major turning point was detection of Ovarian Cancer Stage III on
26 February 2011. The major challenge for me was to regain my lost strength—mental
and physical as well as emotional.
Doctors in Jaipur, where I had gone for treatment,
were taking care of restoring my physical strength. I had the responsibility of
restoring my mental and physical strength for my children. My son was appearing
for his 12th Board Exam and he had to stay back in New Delhi. My
daughter also had to stay back in Delhi due to her job though she would come
for chemotherapies and surgeries throughout my stay in Jaipur. Both my children
were undergoing a lot of trauma and pain because of my condition. The fear of
losing their mother was always there and this fear was manifolds as they had
lost their father 13 years ago. It was important for me to be mentally and
emotionally strong for them.
For most of my life I lived in a constant fear of
losing whatever I had. However, being diagnosed with cancer changed my
perspective totally. I suddenly became fearless. I started enjoying whatever I
was left with and took what life had to offer with a big smile.
Being in bed for six months in 2011, I had lot of
time to think about my life and my kids. As sleep eluded me I became a TV
addict. I started watching serials, non-stop, for hours on end. Fortunately,
after the initial high the addiction subsided I gradually realized that these
serials were not my cup of tea. Rather than watching the unrealistic saga that
the k-serials were churning, I decided to watch rom-coms on English and Hindi
channels. Apart from watching TV I prayed a lot. My prayers were always a
one-point agenda—keep me free from cancer and keep me healthy.
I joined office after staying away for six months. A
warm welcome by my boss and my colleagues greeted me. I had always enjoyed
working and coming to office and now I enjoyed the exercise even more. For as
long as I can remember my office was always a refuge for me. It always provided
me with the energy that I needed to face life. This time too my office gave me
the necessary support I needed to bounce back.
In October 2012 the doctors told me that the cancer
had relapsed and this time it had spread through out my body. All my prayers
seemed to have been in vain. This made me realize that no amount of prayer is
going to prevent whatever life has to offer. I have to face whatever comes my
way. It is better that I do it smilingly so that my children also learn to face
life with a broad smile and roaring laughter.
Over the years, I have developed new hobbies like
gardening, knitting, embroidery, drawing, art and craft. Writing is a recent venture.
I indulge in all these activities to keep my mind occupied so that I don’t find
enough time to think about my cancer.
One thing I have realized is that enjoying whatever
life throws at me, be it chemotherapies or the excruciating pain, makes the
journey easy. Being sad or miserable does not relieve the pain and life also
seems burdened with hardships. Laughing makes my world beautiful and ensures
that people who surround me return my smiles rather than giving me the look of
pity or sympathy. So my daughter and I prepare for chemotherapy as if I am going
for a picnic. She packs my favourite snacks, her favourite biscuits, enough
reading material for her to pass her time and my phone battery is fully charged
the night before so that I can Twitter for as long as I wish. I take this
enjoying business too far. Or so my daughter says when I tell her that I enjoy
the food served at the hospital. My children and I have evolved over the last
four years of our cancer journey. We now joke about cancer and laugh so loudly
that we have been scolded more than once by the hospital staff and have been
warned of maintaining silence.
It is difficult to decipher or explain, but for the
past four years I have seen only positive things happening in my life and
around me. Suddenly everything is bright and beautiful. Not that there has been
an absence of challenges or downfalls. However, when I look back only the good
times seem to fill the last four years.
One thing more, before I was diagnosed with cancer I
was just an insignificant woman struggling to live. No one gave me a second
look. Since being tagged as a cancer patient everyone treats me like a hero and
I must confess I enjoy every minute of it.
